Self-Esteem

Many "no-nonsense" approaches to life advancement think that "self-esteem" is a cop-out. That is true IF you use it as your whine..."I can't do anything because I have low self-esteem".

"They" are right in that respect. If you continue to use low self-esteem as your reason for being non-productive, then it is a cop-out.

Before we go on...let's look at the phrase "self-esteem". It has a simple meaning..."to hold yourself in high esteem". In other words, like and respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will. Let's take this discussion one step further and consider this connection...

If a person does not have faith in their abilities, in just about any subject or life journey, that person will not be as productive, responsible, loving, etc, etc right?

 Now just imagine what your own world would be like if you began to assign your "low self-esteem" to something tangible in your life...

 Some Typical Reasons for Low Self-Esteem

 1 -You live with someone who berates you

2 -You have tried many businesses and all of them failed

3 - You feel insecure in your relationship and it shows to your partner

4 -You're uncomfortable speaking in crowds and you have to for your job

5 -Your speech is slightly different than those around you and they comment on it

6 -Your marriage didn't work out and you got the divorce you never thought you would

7 -You spent your childhood being told you are stupid by a parent, a teacher, or a "friend"

 All of these are things that would wear down a spirit after awhile.

Here's the tricky part...making the connection and saying "Oh! That's what's going on. Gee, I need to _____ (correspond with your own list similar to the list above)

Here are some examples...

Regarding #1 on the list - a partner that berates you.

This is the main thrust of my column this month. I found recently that the MatSu Borough has one of the highest incidents of domestic violence in the entire nation! So sadly... you are not alone.

Well first I'll throw out two ideas - One - Ask your partner to engage in some sort of therapeutic action, or

Two - leave the relationship

Okay, those options aren't available to you at this time, so what do you do?

The very first thing to do is consider this: if a person tells you (or anybody else for that matter), that you're not smart, thin, clever or whatever...day after day...THAT person is the one not playing with a full deck, not you. Seriously, people who get their own boost of self-esteem by berating others have their OWN issues and that person is lightening their own load by dumping on you. This is the description of an abusive relationship. Whether or not physical abuse is involved, being constantly berated and cut-down is emotional abuse and it can damage a psyche just as much as physical abuse.

Children are not immune to the effects of emotional abuse in the household. Many time they become bullies, like the abuser, or they withdraw, have behavior issues and in the end develop their own self-esteem problem. It is a cycle that can only be broken by seeking a power within you; one that you might not believe actually exists. Trust me, it does exist. We all have the strength and power within us to stand up for ourselves. It's time to choose.

There are many resources in the community to assist with leaving an abusive relationship. Unfortunately it can be difficult to maneuver through the maze of services available and getting to and from said services. There are solutions. Here are a few places to start:

AK Family Services ~ http://www.akafs.org/oandp.html ~ Phone 373-4456

If you are an employee (or dependent of an employee) of the borough ~ the borough has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that provides counseling, assessment and referral services.

This is the link to their website, although it's a pretty long link, it worked for me.

http://ww1.matsugov.us/admin/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=4&Itemid=6

Phone 1-800-478-2812 

For all our sakes, for our children's sakes, we must stand up for dignity and say NO to violence and emotional abuse. The time of the peacemaker has come.

Back to the Typical Reasons for Low Self-Esteem List:

#2 - (failed businesses) - Some of the greatest leaders in industry today are on their third, fourth or fifth business. Failing at businesses is training ground for the successful one you will find your way to.

Check out this website ~ http://www.quicksprout.com/2009/01/25/7-reasons-my-first-business-failed/

Or this one ~ http://successfromthenest.com/content/when-is-a-failed-business-not-a-failed-business/

#3 - Insecurity in a relationship can cause problems such as jealousy, which can then breed resentment on the part of the constantly accused.

One more website ~ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090212161841AAPuVVv

#4 - speaking in public ~ you could tell stories to a kindergarten class for practice, or join Toastmasters. Contact Karen Robinette at ksr12@mtaonline.net or 376-0413 evenings and weekends or John Rozzi at 355-5895 for further information. 

#5 - See #4 

#6 - (The divorce I never thought I'd get) Find support out there...

http://dir.salon.com/topics/divorce/

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/2008/04/25/divorce/index.html 

#7 - Being told you are stupid or ugly as a child can leave a life long scar.

Here are a couple of sites that deal with self-esteem issues garnered from childhood.

http://www.nldline.com/self.htm ~ http://www.latherapists.com/articles.html

http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/25453/self_improvement_and_motivation/adults_suffering_from_low_self_esteem.html

You get the idea. Look at the list above, although it is a general and vague list not meant to state any "real" situations, it shows a way to examine self-esteem issues and find their root cause. Knowing this can help you eliminate these root causes and find the confidence you have stored deep down inside you...Remember it's there, waiting for you to unlock the door to your own strength and imagination. Everyone deserves a happy and healthy home life...Go For It!